


The Desire of Something

by okkaykate



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Heavy Themes, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-08-19 22:05:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16543163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okkaykate/pseuds/okkaykate
Summary: Lee Jeno, a perfect storm, looking for something that could catch his interest met Na Jaemin, a broken boy who he couldn’t figure out. Every Friday from then on they met in detention and broke each other down in every way possible.“Who are you?” Lee Jeno asked with a firm voice.“Doesn’t matter. Sit down.”And then for once Jeno sat under a command. Unable to refute those words for he truly didn’t know if the other boy mattered.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This story was a spur of the moment concept (as mine always are) that I have spent hours thinking upon and putting my heart into. I know through my efforts there will be countless mistakes and faults, but I hope I can improve and deliver my composition successfully. I already can feel the grammar and sentence structure mistakes, but I'm delighted enough. I have so much more planned for where this story goes, and I can only hope my commitment stays strong enough to continue and produce efficiently. I debated on this chapter for a hard month and viciously re-edited and reread and questioned everything. This story will be dark and has some language and violence I hope those who read are aware of that. This story will primarily be shorter scenes compiled onto each other. I also hope those who read can understand my intentions in writing this and can enjoy! Feel free to comment any constructive criticism etc. below.

“Lee Jeno,” The teacher called. The teacher was barely registered as the individual called upon simply countered her with a subtle and careless blink of the eyes. The blink was accompanied by a flick at the stick of his horribly sweet candy lollipop that swirled in his mouth. His eyes drooped, but not in a tired way, just simply in a sort of nonchalance. His eyes smoothly slid over to the prominent figure in the room. The commander, the authority that was supposed to lead the classroom. The dark brown of his eyes lost focus as the bright sunlight reflected in them. He turned his head away from the window just slightly and the light dispersed over his facial features raised and accentuated the cut of his cheeks.

On one angle the sun dusted him in paleness and covered him with light beautifully, the curve and pucker of his lips between the lollipop gave him a purer look with smooth summer lips that tasted of a mix of watermelon and strawberry as a result of the lollipop which he rolled along his teeth. The deep red of the clean yet carelessly cared for school uniform only brightened the color of his lips and darkened the look of his long eyelashes and the pale pink of his fingertips.

Every color seemed to match and blend into him as he was art. Each color distinctly popped though as he was a canvas of chaotic yet elegant beauty. On the other angle the light cast him out into a shadowy figure and his lips barely looked short of a grimace, a bit chapped and bitten. The darkness under his eyes and mole under his one eye were still noticeable in his own dark shadow, the deep black color of his hair contrasting with the late morning summertime sunlight beside him.

He hummed a bit around the sweet, the object of his only desire, and raised his features up a bit in acknowledgement though without much effort at all. The corner of his lips turned up just in the slightest and his eyebrows raised in question and skepticism and small curiosity of how this would play out and retain his interest. From his smile his eyes crinkled a little as his cheeks and his nose perked up ever so slightly that any onlooker would naturally be intrigued. His nose and eyes were all but seamless and sharp lines. Lee Jeno didn’t feel the need to respond with words, his hum was enough. It was heard so why would he speak more. It’s not like he completely ignored the teacher. Though a lot of common values and expectations were quite useless and baseless to him, he still had some appreciation for societal standards. He was looking at the teacher and that was more than could be said for many others in the same type of position. To simply obtain his minimal attention was like a precious gift only given once in a lifetime. After the teacher didn’t continue to speak, Jeno’s gaze immediately looked back to the side, to the window and light of the outdoors, as his features fell and his small mouth formed into a subtle frown around the lollipop.

The drifting sound of a breathy sigh glossed through the air with slight irritation clear in it. His interest was lost. He anticipated anything to follow the call of his name but he was left with nothing as always. Who would be intrigued in something already so boring and repetitive. He leaned back in his chair fully and popped his lollipop out from his lips and simply breathed, closing his eyes. The junior’s flavored breath transferred into the air and floated before he encased the lollipop back into his mouth and rolled his neck just a bit before centering his gaze on the only thing that he could find somewhat interesting and was just the slightest more unpredictable than everything else in this world.

 

_Another day, same place._

 

*

What was worth it in this world. An only child, spoiled, but with strict parents that rarely came home and always threatened to leave. His friends were good enough on their own, one a graceful and dabbling artist while the other a bubbily tanned sun. He was nothing but a plain board that continuously got scratched on and was only held onto as he had to be there for convenience and no one had the full heart to pity him and throw him into the trash.

Na Jaemin sat at the back of his history class listening on and writing his notes of various events that have come and gone. He didn’t care for the class in the slightest but he had some drive to not entirely fail his education though the subject was quite foolish. No application and simply facts. Just facts that were drilled into his brain and had no impact on him. Sure, they were important back then, but who listens to them now? They are gone and only their writings remain, which will always be overshadowed by the new of the future. Jaemin didn’t care about history as he knew he wouldn’t be in anyone else's. He would either be forgotten or his image would be left in the back of people’s minds in a sense of fury.

Unneeded and a waste, Jaemin sat and blankly stared at the bored. No words to be said. Copy and write. Copy and write. Write as his eyes drop and his hand cramps and his words aren’t even words anymore and his letters are only scratched lines and his lines barely even show up as he is running out of space. People’s wishes simply don’t matter as the pencil waves and twists through the air no matter who the invisible beholder is.

The room had the blinds closed. Stuck in the artificial light provided by electricity. Those lights were made by someone. The whole room was made by someone, planned, built, and used. Most things seen were almost always made by others. Trees replanted from being torn down, grass having been cut and sprayed with repellents, and animals having adapted themselves for their own benefit. Animals and humans adapted and they truly aren’t themselves. There is nothing special about people and one is simply another recreation and nothing natural remains except for the sun and disoriented stars. Even the moon has been touched and tainted by human hands which were made from other humans.

Powered by something else’s nutrients and proteins all humans do are take and conquer. No one is really themselves except for their mind, but their brain isn’t developed by themselves. It’s developed by the code of a human and genetics from their parents and random probability. Someone doesn’t control what the pencil writes they only convince themselves they do. Bones and joints follow suit and nerves tingle for the illusion with the feeling of touch as eyes stare at the paper. Someone doesn’t learn the alphabet themselves someone teaches them, and someone doesn’t control when they have enough strength to walk as a child only their body does. The only question Na Jaemin has ever asked while in a class setting is the simplest yet most endless one with no answer. Why must I be chosen to be here?

 

*

The day passes as they all do in a glimmering light, the fading long summer day, which pains the eyes but is the most beautiful to some. The bell rang and rang and rang. It rung with a sense of order and no one controlled or ordered Lee Jeno. He tapped and sat with a sly smile as the other students left the classroom enthusiastically and he idly still sat.

“Yo, Jeno, let’s go, come on!” His childish friend shouted in passing and Jeno chuckled a bit at his friend’s annoyed and loud voice finally, after a few moments, Jeno stood. He knew that his dashing green haired friend would pretend to have left only to be standing at the door, so he was in no rush as old habits and memories resonated within him. Even if nothing new or interesting happened in the fundamental traits of his friends, they were one of the only things Jeno could find stable yet dynamic and comforting. His other friend Mark was even more predictable though as the constant routine of years had never been broken.

They would meet him outside the school as their paths didn’t exactly cross on the way out, and Mark would be leaned against one of the tall, dull lapposts right near the main entrance of the school, most likely to be reading a book, and he would be able to notice if Jeno and Chenle moved slower than usual based upon the amount of pages he had read in the time span of his waiting.

Jeno grabbed his rather light school bag and made his way out the door then waiting for Chenle to look up from his phone where he was texting and scrolling at the speed of light. Jeno gave him a fixed stare before after a minute or so Chenle looked up and drew back with a shout of surprise. Jeno’s mouth turned into a bitter grin as he then began walking. “Thanks for saying hi!” then Chenle followed.

 *

Jaemin pulled his giant book shut and pushed it into his overflowing book bag before walking out with all the others. He simply took his way back toward his house alone on the quietest paths. He gulped as cars passed by either too quickly or rather too slowly for his own comfort. Jaemin wore the crisp dark red school uniform with unkempt hair as he questioned the choice of the color in the blazer. Was it to compliment the redness of student’s cheeks in the winter, or to hide any blood from fights between students or slight dirt that could land upon them on the dirty trips to school? The shirt underneath had been white with a solid colored dark tie to show for simplicity and to establish a formality among students? He breathed shakily, why the fuck did it matter the kind of uniform? It doesn’t conceal the emotions these reckless teenagers have, it only bottles them up in a facade and fake reality.

The boy stopped walking for a moment and thought as he always did. If he stopped for a second longer it wouldn’t matter would it? The world still turned and so did he. If he were to start his school work then on the bench to his left it wouldn’t matter. It really wouldn’t change anything. He would just keep having to go at some point. There were not more options in his eyes. People can only keep going till they actually physically cannot move at all or are dead, whether they know it or not. And so, Jaemin continued walking, as it all didn’t matter no matter what he wished.

He was sick of it. He was dying because of it. His head filled with desperation, but he had no choice to stop. He couldn’t just tell himself to stop. He had to feel more pain if he wanted it all to stop. How could he risk everything so he could live in nothing. He didn’t want him to make everything crumble around him, but what other choice did he have. There were no other options but to burn.

He walked to his home, his large home that put the others to shame. He opened the door with his old dark red key he had obtained at the age of six, threw himself into his dark extravagantly decorated room, and buried under the velvety covers with a silent aura of desperation, but laced on his face lied a blank expression with only impassiveness.

 *

“Can we get some ice cream before going home!” Chenle asked, but it was more of a statement, of course, for the young boy. He wanted ice cream. He would get it.

Jeno sighed and glanced at Mark, who just shrugged and messed with his backpack which lied annoyingly too low, dragging him down with the weight of his books. They passed by the ice cream shop, which Chenle looked on at with a stagnant gaze and slowed his walking. Jeno grumbled something to Mark before looking at Chenle. The youngest looked back with the brightest smile ever and Jeno simply pulled him to the shop with Mark trailing behind uber focused on something on his phone.

The sun drifted down slowly as did the ice cream on Jeno's cone while Chenle had already devoured his cone within what seemed like mere seconds. Mark’s cup of ice cream drowned in itself as he took minuscule small scoops at a time. Jeno scrunched his nose as a drop of ice cream landed on the table below his cone. He licked at the edges and Chenle gazed at Jeno with a sly smile slowly spreading on his face. Chenle jumped up slowly, taking another spoon and scooping up a small bit of Mark’s ice cream from his cup.

If Mark noticed he was too enveloped in his reading of whatever article or research he cared for at the time to care. Chenle ate the spoonful happily and let out an obvious sound of delight, looking towards Mark with expecting eyes. Chenle was alike Jeno himself, they both wanted reactions, something new, but Chenle only in a childish way. Mark didn’t react though and Chenle swallowed the ice cream before holding his forehead from the freezing pulse that came to him. Jeno slowly dug into his cone as Chenle then just sat and looked around at both of his friends for some kind of response or anything.

Jeno finally finished his cone after what felt like an hour and lightly gestured to Mark’s ice cream cup. “Mark,” He called out calmly. “It’s melted.”

Mark slowly looked up after finishing the sentence he had read. He hummed with blank eyes as he gazed on at the melted residue. “I’m sorry, I’ll pay you back, Jeno.”

Jeno just shook his head, “No, of course not, Mark, Chenle will enjoy it.”

Chenle, at the call of his name, clearly having been anticipating this, immediately brightened up and took the cup forcefully. He tried to pick up any remaining chunks before downing the liquid with a satisfying sound.

“Let’s go home.”

 *

“See ya, Le. See ya, Lee.” A habitual saying Jeno had picked up over the years when bidding his friends goodbye. He turned around as his friends went on their separate ways to their classrooms. Chenle’s class was nearby while Mark had to go up multiple stairs to get to his. They were already far gone by the time Jeno was met with chaos.

One step and Lee Jeno had already been called out with a vicious shout of indignation.

“Lee Jeno! You bastard, you come back here!” Lee Jeno, it was always Lee Jeno. He was only _Lee Jeno_. He turned back around from where he had walked in the hall. Everyone who had been walking behind him had evaded him only to walk around him in a wide curve, that or they simply walked in the opposite way. They would rather be late to class then even be in between Lee Jeno and another fiery student.

Just then he almost looked like a regular school boy. His hair just a bit ruffled from the sudden turn and his uniform the same as all the others, the classic red color, the color that complimented Jeno’s bitten lips in an almost licentious manner, which was formed from his own gnawing of them. He licked them and rose his gaze towards the figure storming toward him with a fury greater than Jeno could compare to the others he had seen before. He seemed almost emotional, and Jeno felt a little pang in his heart other than emptiness at predicting what was about to come. “You think you can do this to me? Just because you’re all high and mighty? Well, don’t you get it! You’re a jackass Lee Jeno and I hope one day, no, actually, you never will figure it out, will you? You’re too much of a damn pinhead to figure it out. Good luck with your fucking life, alright. I hope you fucking burn, Lee Jeno. Burn for fucking hours and feel your smooth skin peel and try to cling to you but it just keeps going and fucking falls to the ground. If you think you can disrespect- God. Dammit, fuck off somewhere, oh, most powerful, Lee Jeno.” The last words were filled with disgust as the boy stared at Jeno’s face, which had formed a blank and somewhat innocent expression, but it was only seen as all fake to those watching. He expected something, a punch, a push, but instead his anticipation fell. It ended faster than he had expected. Though the grip on his uniform had been hard, it used up all of the other boy’s energy and Jeno just knew he was in a fragile grasp of emotions, and there was no deeper strength or power in the action.

The boy passed like the wind and Jeno just stood, finding himself on his toes from an attempt to further the distance from the other boy who had gotten so close to him. Jeno was breathless and let out a sigh, feeling the wind pass as he closed his eyes and tangled his fingers between each other as they had become rigid at the confrontation. He tugged his uniform down and cracked his fingers before turning back around and walking again, after all the bell had rung, and he entered the classroom deemed late for class.

Lee Jeno. Silence. Lee Jeno. Silence. Lee Jeno. Lee Jeno. Lee Jeno. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence.

Sat in class again he wandered off. The whispers of others were always there even if he couldn’t decipher them. Today was worse than yesterday, but he could get over it. It didn’t matter anyway, it was always the same. The classroom phone rang and immediately all eyes headed towards Jeno. The teacher even glanced at him for a moment before answering the phone. Typical.

“Lee Jeno, please go to the principal's office.” The teacher remarked and it was almost alike a script. Jeno abruptly stood and pulled his bag over his one shoulder before walking out of his English class with stares fixed upon him.

The halls were empty with the occasional passersby, but Jeno mainly walked alone with the pale grey lockers and the shine of sunlight through the windows. The junior entered the main office and the front desk simply pointed with a small smile to the back corridor. Jeno still after all this time couldn’t tell if it was a genuine smile, but he doubted it. Jeno plopped his bag down on one of the chairs and went in with heavy steps.

Jeno tipped towards the room and opened it to be met with none other than the principal, well, the assistant principal. She genuinely ran the school better than the principal, other than the fact that the students were very uninterested in their studies and always caused trouble. “Now,” She immediately began. The situation was too familiar to put him off. “Lee Jeno, would you like to tell me what happened today?”

“Nothing happened.” Cold. He felt cold in this room, he never got used to it even after all this, and he thought it was annoying, but it was always cold. It was always _so cold_ , but he could live with it.

“Are you sure of that?”

“Yes.” There was a pause.

She took a deep breath and tapped her pencil on the desk. “Jeno, there are many people who say something did happen.”

“Nothing happened.”

“Did you not start a fight with Choi Bomin today?”

 _So that was that kid’s name? Never knew it._ Jeno’s face stayed expressionless. “I did not.”

“Then explain to me what occurred.” Her composure had started to fray then, he knew by the rising temper of her voice.

“Nothing happened.”

The woman sighed and dropped the pencil to look Jeno straight in the eyes. “Lee Jeno, you avoiding what you have done does not help your case. Do you understand this?”

“Yes, I understand that.” He distanced himself.

“Then, please, tell me of what you have done.”

“I have done nothing, Ms.”

“Lee Jeno,” She sighed out his name and ran a hand through her long side bangs that trailed down beside her low black-haired ponytail. “You are constantly getting into these… Altercations… And if anything, I desire for you to at least confess or show some amount of regret or at least anger, but all you show me is nonchalance.” The vice-principal was sick of it. Her gaze dropped in disappointment. “Lee Jeno. You already know the drill. Since there is no direct evidence or anything as of yet, but many witnesses, you will have detention for two months and if there is any more allegations with this specific scenario, evidence, or there is repeated incidents with Mr. Choi there will be further consequences and possible suspension.” He doubted they would ever suspend him and even if they did they would never expel him. The school would never expel anyone.

“Every Friday,” He said quietly.

“Every Friday. Starting tomorrow. Eight weeks will be enough since there is repeated offenses.” She repeated with a nod, satisfied with his response.

Jeno stood and walked out. He had expected it. It wasn’t much to him though.

“Ms. Kim!” The shout was grumbled and unforgiving to the ears. It was from the main office, Jeno knew that much from the echos in the corridor. Mrs. Jung, the strictest teacher in the school, had come with a student being pulled by his buttoned shirt collar with a greatly loosened tie. Jeno took one glance at the other boy before he looked on. The other boy seemed to be just as tall as Jeno though he was being pulled up slightly due to Mrs. Jung’s death grip and additional height from her high stilettos. The guy groaned and tried to push himself away, which at Mrs. Jung’s imbalance from the movements, he swung himself out and ran a hand through his hair as he stood with stability and was out of breath. Wide eyes looked around the room in exhilaration and anxiety. The boy’s bangs had become dismantled with his light brown hair mixing into his darker roots. “Come back here now!”

She ran over and grabbed the boy’s wrists hard and he yelped with a genuine scream, immediately shrinking away as if the touch burned him. Once he slipped out he backed closer to the wall and closer to Jeno. Jeno watched in a slight bit of surprise but also unamused. It was a strange mixture of emotions. Many rambunctious kids ran through the halls and for this one to let himself go in front of Mrs. Jung was overall stupid, not that Jeno had the best reputation, but it seemed dumb and to see someone so pitiful was surprising. This kid seemed desperate to be cut some slack, but knowing Mrs. Jung and the fire in her eyes, he had no chance. “You!” The teacher groaned in annoyance and clenched her fists. “Ms. Kim!” She yelled once again down the corridor.

The vice-principal entered then and looked around the room in disappointment. It could be heard from her expression. “Lee Jeno,” At being addressed, Jeno let out a sigh and turned towards her. His eyes slid over to her slowly with his own exasperation showing. “Get to class, now.”

He opened the door at being dismissed, backpack in hand, and left as the shadow of the other wild boy with shaking fingertips stared at the vice-principal, holding his breath. That boy was clearly dangerous and he wouldn’t be surprised if he was expelled on the spot, but the school never expelled anybody, not even him.

Jeno endured the whispers throughout the day, but was surprised when some of them didn’t include his name in them. “Jeno! Can I have your apples?” Chenle gave his cheshire cat grin before Jeno scooted the cup of apples from his school lunch toward the Chinese boy. As always in their usual set up, seated near the center of a table on the left corner of the cafeteria. Mark was across from Jeno and Chenle sat tilted towards the two beside Jeno.

Mark was reading again and Jeno cleared his throat to gather his attention. It took a few dragging moments before Mark even began to look up. Mark simply hummed with the innocent sparkle in his eyes which made Jeno always feel a bit sour for interrupting him. “Eat your food.” The oldest looked around a bit before his eyes landed on his own lunch tray where all the food lied untouched. He gazed as if he hadn’t even noticed he had set the tray down on the table in the first place before reluctantly closing his book and setting it to the side with care. He took a bite of his sandwich and only then did Jeno look off toward his own food.

Jeno wondered how Mark would move so slowly when his brain seemed to move with ideas and thoughts so fast on the inside. He guessed it attributed to the fact that Mark’s family was in vague terms, slightly pressuring and well… Uncreative, but also somehow startlingly intelligent and clever. Mark wasn’t around the best people either Jeno would say, but maybe Mark also adapted into having a fast reaction time when his friends always got into trouble and he wormed them out of it. His group of friends had a bit of a rebellious reputation.

There was first Chenle, boisterous and always desiring more. Jeno and Mark took Chenle in when he had just arrived to Korea for good and had limited vocabulary, but he still knew how to ask for things. Chenle had been back and forth to Korea from China multiple times since he was young, so he was knowledgeable enough to be able to hold a conversation. Chenle came in seventh grade right before Jeno officially got classified as the troublemaker of the school. Chenle assisted in forming his reputation with his low grades and need for excitement. The boy had made the group stand out more than they would have without him, Chenle’s new green hair he had sported for celebrating the new upcoming fall season had helped bring him out even more.

Jeno had been with Mark for forever though. He and Mark knew each other well and thoroughly enough that nothing ever felt messy or out of place when they were beside each other. Since children Mark had always been his type of rock and someone who Jeno could rely on. Mark had changed over the years, but it was just natural. Jeno still knew who Mark truly was and that was all that mattered. Mark was a various being with mood swings that could shock Chenle into turning pale. Mark was unexplainable yet he always had this feeling of stability that Jeno admired, but there was always too much emotion and focus in Mark to be healthy. Mark was a mixture of everything combined and depending on every detail something could change. Mark had a more brooding reputation that could be envied, but it wasn’t necessarily his most defining trait. He was to be sure more emotionally off put and affected than the other two. Debatably, he was considered Jeno’s right hand man, he was the black haired boy with long bangs in middle school, and the boy with light brown and perfectly swooped styled hair and a deeper voice in high school. The bags under his eyes always gave him a grim look and his concentrated features always seemed to scare others away as well as his never failing intellect.

Jeno, himself, had just always been the man put to the blame. It was so easy. His handsome face surprised people once they finally put a face to a name. He found that if he didn’t smile, the worst was always assumed. People always assumed things about him, but it wasn’t his concern, so he would only let it pass. He had himself, Mark, and Chenle, they were his closest, and so he didn’t need to be concerned with others. After Mark finished his meal he went to grab his book back. Chenle had been rambling about his teachers before quickly turning and looking towards Jeno. “Mark, don’t you think Mrs. Jung always has a stick up her ass?”

Mark’s eyes snapped up and rested his book in his lap then, tapping his fingers against the binding. “Hey, Grass, I don’t know. I had her as a teacher a few years ago, but she did seem a little… Uptight, yes.” The talk was casual, the nickname was casual, and it almost seemed like an unintentional joke. It was normal.

“Oops, I forgot I was in different classes than you. Jeno?” Chenle then turned to Jeno.

“She does.” Jeno simply stated.

“I can hear her screaming everywhere I go, does that women not have spacial awareness of her voice?” Before Chenle could continue on, Mark murmured a rebuttal.

“The same thing can probably be said about you, Chenle.”

“What? Mark Lee!” Mark smiled and Chenle deflated suddenly hushing down dramatically. “Alright, alright, you have a point. But we’re in a cafeteria, no one can hear me. Everyone else is shouting too.”

“But, _anyway_ , this morning I heard she walked into the boy’s bathroom and fucking snatched someone and dragged them all the way to the principal’s office. Can she even do that? Isn’t that against the law? She can’t go in there, right?” Jeno blinked in small recognition of the terrified face he had been met with in the principal's office before shrugging and responding. He didn’t know or care for the boy anyway.

“You are aware that Mrs. Jung can do whatever she wants in this school, right?” Jeno supplied half-heartedly as Mark checked the time.

“I mean- yes, I do.” Chenle didn’t say anything after that and Jeno grabbed his tray and the others followed suit. Mark gripped his book in his other hand unoccupied by the tray, and Chenle ran a hand through his green hair and sighed, disappointed by the dryness, but he wasn’t a wimp for his scalp. “It’s barely been a week and it already wants to give… Jeno, also, do you understand any of the math homework, it’s really confusing and I just don’t have the motivation to figure out my mistakes on my own.”

“Why do you think I’m a math expert?” Jeno questioned, dropping his waste into the trash.

“I don’t, but you at least take the same math as me and I can actually understand the words you’re saying. Most of the time at least. You’re also pretty good at it so. I don’t care that much, but I just would like to not totally fail at least a bit.”

Jeno hummed and shrugged. “We’ll see. What time is it?”

They placed their trays on top of each other for the cafeteria staff and both Chenle and Mark checked their watches simultaneously. Mark having a traditional silver watch, while Chenle simply used his electronic watch he always had on. “We have six minutes or so left.”

“Alright, Chenle, want a quick math lesson?”

 *

He quivered with the cold of the office. He felt suffocated with the air. “Now. I’ll be frank with you. I’ve never seen you before. What is your name?” The woman in front of him was one he never had seen so up close before. From afar she was beautiful and reposed, he could sense beauty, even the artificial kind, from miles away. It was his natural instinct. Drawn by beautiful lines and bursting colors then, bags lied under her eyes and the mere dots and colors of her eyes seemed crazy and dull. Jaemin couldn’t say he was surprised, he was more disappointed all in the midst of fear for himself. She was no longer beautiful, she was not her image. He was now dizzy, but on higher alert than he had ever found himself though he was too sleep deprived to keep his eyes open for long. His eyes saturated and dull themselves, but piercing then and burning. His fingers twitched, of course she didn’t know him. He wasn’t the best, the worst, or the baddest. Not the most beautiful, and not the most friendly. Though he expected this and couldn’t see past his mania, he was still unsatisfied with the result. He wished, but he didn’t know if he wished for or against his thoughts.

His eyebrow twitched. “What?” He said simply for her to repeat. This embarrassed her, but she continued on a ragged pursuit. She only wanted the truth and was just going to pretend like his profile wasn’t up on her computer already with details of him. She would see nothing special, nothing out of place, it was a normal and clean resume. He didn’t play any school sports, didn’t join any clubs, never won any awards, all high Bs and one almost C and one low A. A decent average GPA. That’s all he was, average.

Though his voice had come out rough and quiet, he felt himself slowly crumble the more she looked on. How was the prepped average boy in the school picture matching this mess in the same uniform but with a dead look in his eyes and ripped up and deranged fluffy hair. His tie was practically dangling from his neck, threatening to fall and rest in his lap where his hands laid shaking and skinny with veins running and jumping out.

“Alright, Na Jaemin, is there something you would like to explain to me.”

“No.” He narrowed his eyes against her, leaning his head upon the side of the chair with closing eyes.

“You understand we must call your parents and tell them of what we have discovered.”

“Alright.”

“So, you understand?” Her eyes grew wider. Jaemin hummed and looked away from her. “Though this is new behavior from you, as written in the student handbook, at this serious first offense we must subject you to detention. You understand?”

“Yes.” His hands stopped shaking and he blinked, staring at her with pointed and weary eyes.

“Since this is the first offence, the time would usually be only 2 weeks, but since this offence is so… Drastic and corrupted to us, there will be more time. A whole month, I suppose. And maybe more if something similar occurs again. This would be every Friday for an hour in Mr. Lee’s room, room 146.” She stopped talking and Jaemin felt himself sit limp.

Jaemin simply blinked, dazed. He supposed he was dismissed now. He didn’t care. He only felt pain that he couldn’t complain about.

He stood slowly, his bones aching, and he walked out. He breathed slowly and sharply, but he felt as if his lungs were blocked and all the air was caught in his throat; however, he was emotionless as he felt his insides burn. Is this what he wanted? Jaemin kept his eyes low like a soldier as he walked out, he would return to his class prior, pick up his heavy backpack, walk out, and go to his next class. He skipped his lunch period too.

 *

Jeno swooped his fine bangs back, where each strand blended and mixed in length to form a beautiful frame around his features. “Chenle, they’re only there for money, they don’t care about you.” It was cold, but it was the truth as they travelled on their way home once again.

“I don’t think it’s fair to ignore me though! I have green hair for crying out loud!” Jeno pulled at a piece of Chenle’s dry almost lime colored hair. Chenle scrunched his nose and halted his initial words. “Jeno, you can’t tell me these teachers are not intentionally ignoring me.”

“I’m telling you they do that to everyone Chenle, relax.”

“They pay attention to you though!” Chenle whined, before lowering his voice.

Jeno looked away from the smaller boy and glanced at his other quiet friend, quickly tugging him by his uniform blazer firmly. “Mark, please look up from your book for once, you almost just ran into a pole.”

“Hm? Oh, sorry, alright.” Mark blinked back up with his innocent countenance. Then he continued to read for a few more moments before at the end of a sentence, he closed the book and rested it swaying at his side for his own sake and Jeno’s worried heart.

Jeno looked between his two friends and sighed. “I have detention for eight weeks again.” Mark gazed on at Jeno, before dropping his eyes down in his own pitiful sigh.

Chenle turned, with a frown. “I swear I don’t get how you get detention so much for doing nothing while I get off the hook every time.”

“Your family is too wealthy and they really don’t put anyone in detention other than me.”

“Well, I don’t like walking home alone! Mark always has to go to those smart club meetings on Friday too ya know!” Chenle pouted and Jeno ruffled his hair with a subtle frown adorning his handsome face.

“It’s okay Chenle, I’m sure you can make some other friends too.” He then gave them a somber smile and kept his friends close beside him with the intent to never let them go with his actions totally contrary to his previous suggestion.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for coming back to read. Now this is a serious message that there will be some trigger warnings right at the beginning of this chapter and this will be a reoccuring theme within the story. So if in any sense of that makes you uneasy, please, please, stop reading now. I wish for the best and I hope this chapter makes sense and isn’t too jumpy or confusing. As always there are bound to be flaws and mistakes! I’m still quite new to writing full story centric fics and writing with such continuity. Please enjoy!

Jaemin’s body shivered. He messed up. He messed up, right? Was this good? Jaemin had started to throw his life away. He didn’t know how it led to this, he had just done it. He didn’t think. He had just asked to go to the bathroom, and they had let him. No one had suspected, no one probably even noticed. He had reserved himself to the boys restroom on the second floor and just started. He had no problem. No one was in there. He just went. He let it fall and pool and he truly didn’t even care for it. He even felt a little better though his heart lurked at the sight. He coughed and coughed as his heart rate sped up and the spreading smell made him feel as if it surrounded him. He supposed he reacted too loudly. He supposed it was a mistake to go to the bathroom near Mrs. Jung’s room.

He didn’t even know if it mattered if he was seen. Would they care? Would they even try? Would they even notice? Jaemin had continued on and on until he was weeping and sobbing into nothingness and banging his head on the stall next to the one he resided in. She was swift and quiet, but Jaemin didn’t hide either. He didn’t bother to soak his blood in toilet paper or even stop his actions. It was atrocious, but it was all him. All that laid and seeped into the white tile was all unconditionally him.  

“Who is making all this racket?” The shout had echoed and vibrated and Jaemin only let out a sob in response, his vision blurry with overflowing tears he’d never experienced before. It was already too early in the morning for her, but she was still loud and direct as any other day. Jaemin didn’t think as he just felt dizzier than he could ever recall before. His head seemed to pulse with his heart and a loud beating resonated in him, seeming to echo within itself. He couldn’t find himself to care. This was bad. It was impossible to tell if his dizziness was from the banging of his head, a faintness from seeing blood, or from his own blood loss.

Luckily no one was at the urinals to be embarrassed, luckily Mrs. Jung found him and didn’t hesitate to grab his wrists in question, and luckily it had burned. And Jaemin wasn’t sure if he had really regretted it.

 ***

Jeno sat down at the small wooden dining table that was older than he could recall, looking around before spotting his brother bringing over the main dish for the night, grilled chicken and something with a fresh type of smell in the pot. “Jaehyun,” He started, immediately at seeing the figure. Jaehyun was quiet and didn’t look up for a few moments, placing the pot down before looking back at Jeno with a sweet smile. “I’ll be coming home later tomorrow.” It was understood between them. Jaehyun, his recently high school graduated older brother, knew.

Jaehyun didn’t ask why, he could assume. If it really was serious, he would have been called. Jaehyun nodded and opened the pot before widening his eyes with a soft murmur and quickly running back into the kitchen. He was clumsy as always, and more chipper than usual even at such news. Jeno moved slowly and scooted his chair in until Jaehyun returned with the spoon for the pot, which Jeno then understood was simply chicken noodle soup with some various added in vegetables, and put a generous amount in Jeno’s bowl and then in his own.  

Jaehyun wasn’t the best cook originally, but he learned the basics quite quickly considering he had formerly lived a life filled with only peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the daily whenever he had to feed himself. Jeno supposed it was a skill he picked up from his various and irresponsibly expensive outings and dining experiences he had ventured to when he had become a senior and had to decided to blow out a lot, if not all, of his money as he claimed he was going to live a more lavish life, which expectedly ended up a broken dream after two weeks or so, or maybe Doyoung just taught him a few things over the weekends. Jeno guessed it was more of Jaehyun just watching the process of cooking and then asking him for the recipe and messily following the noted procedure. Jeno tasted a bit of the soup and was the slightest bit disappointed at his brother’s cooking as the broth tasted a little bland, but the multitude of vegetables were still healthy and refreshing. Jeno guessed in those cooking sessions Jaehyun really only paid attention to Doyoung. He then tried the chicken, and he had to admit, it was quite good though a little too burnt for his taste.

Their parents were out working, they’d be home soon, hopefully the food would still be warm. The house was quaint, but it was homely and enough for Jeno. He didn’t ask for too much in his life, but to be around the people small amount of people he cared for, that was all he asked for.

He never expected too much as the more he expected the more he became disappointed, but he didn’t become disappointed with his family ever, because he knew them and they knew him and it was an intricate system of understanding that laid beneath all their troubles.

Jeno ate slowly as Jaehyun ate quite slowly too. The sun drained in with a type of dryness as it set and it seemed to slow their movements with it’s own slow descent from the sky. The dust laid upon the shelves and drifting through the air seemed natural and timeless as the steam from the soup sprouted into the air. Jeno finished his meal after a moment and fixed his eyes upon it until Jaehyun stood to put the lid over the pot, making the warmth disappear from the house, and Jeno averted his gaze as it all vaporized and left him in the cold.

Later he gave his brother some help with the dishes until they were all finished and he went into his plain room and worked on his dreaded homework. He completed it in eased haste. The work wasn’t very hard for him, but he didn’t have any effort or ambition for any things of the sort.

He much more preferred experimental and discovery in learning, hands on, one could say, or more physical learning. There was something to be anticipated from that. It was something he could hypothesize and predict, but there were always variables he couldn't quite understand or expect. Nevertheless, Lee Jeno liked those mental challenges no matter how much his mind would befuddle at the sight of them. It was something he couldn’t describe, the pull to learn and understand new concepts that could actually have physical effects and see the influences of it. He could try to pull it apart and put it together again. It was a sort of hobby though an unofficial and a sort of sadistic one.

Trial and error was interesting though tedious, and Jeno had only found things he had basically solved in the end so far. It was never too difficult to piece the puzzles together when others already knew the answers and he just had to catch on. All the problems and questions already placed upon him had no attachment to him, so he could have an outside view and do anything he wanted to manipulate the subject; however, in life, people had feelings, and Lee Jeno didn’t control all of them.

 *

“Chenle,” Mark called, his book firmly placed up under his arm, the book not even having been opened since Jeno had first seen him this morning. Chenle perked up immediately. Jeno still couldn’t comprehend his energy at this early in the morning. Mark then continued, with a fixed gaze and a slow voice, “One of your wealthy aunts, Aunt… Dongmei?” He began a little unsure, his tongue experimental on the Chinese name, but the pronunciation seemed at least decently similar. Chenle hummed in understanding, moving closer to Mark, clearly expecting something, or just being impatient. “She bought you a new basketball recently, right?”

Chenle nodded slowly to the question, in subtle thought. “Yeah, she treats me like her own child, but I’m not complaining. They send me things all the time, as you know. I only mentioned needing a new one the last time I saw them and within the next week she had sent one to my door. It’s a bit insane, but i’ll take it.”

Mark looked off in thought, Jeno understood the expression and the reasoning for asking, but he kept his knowing to himself. “Chenle, did you understand the math homework?”

Chenle pursed his lips, curling them into each other. “No…” He murmured, slowly scrunching his nose as his mind whirled and he gained his dignity back. After a moment, he broke out. “I don’t know how she expects us to understand this! It’s a simple concept, but, but it’s just… Ugh! It’s just, whats the word for it, um, tedious! And annoying! And I just don’t wanna do it and I never get the right answers. It’s useless.” Jeno gave a small cheeky smile as Mark glanced at the two, trying to decode what they would be learning as his brain was already years ahead of them academically as Jeno explained the concept.

Mark listened closely for anything he could buy for Chenle as his birthday was coming up, and count on Mark to remember and plan for a gift weeks, even two months ahead, even with the huge assignments and work already on his plate to take care of. His first idea had already been taken, so he had to choose and decide rather quickly as his time for buying the object would be limited with all his meetings and academic proceedings.

“We can go over it at lunch.” Jeno stated in an attempt to comfort the youngest.

“But by the time we’re finished that we wouldn’t have eaten and it’ll be cold and we wouldn’t have time to actually talk! Also, how do you even know what you’re doing? The method is so stupid and doesn’t even work. Plus we won’t be able to talk on the way home because you and Mark will be staying after school.” Chenle pouted and Mark moved closer into the group.

“You could wait for us too.” Mark edged in. Chenle’s facial expression immediately dropped and he seemed stunned before he spoke with a shaken voice.

“I would, but you guys just take so long, and I’d have nowhere to go, and-”

“We got it, Grass.” Mark chimed with endearing teasing, patting Chenle’s head. The owner of the patted head frowned with another pout in response and then started a new conversation, relaxed, as they entered the school where their domain was then filled with red and rushing figures spaced around them. They were untouchable.

 *

Jaemin felt okay that day, he really did. Until he saw the other boy. He was trying to smile at silly things he heard as if he was included in them. His best friend had texted him and asked why he hadn’t been at lunch the previous day. He just said he had to make up a test when truly he had hid himself in the bathroom where the event had occurred in silence, watching his blood from earlier that day stain the tile floors even more deeply, untouched by janitors or anyone. Jaemin supposed the blood being left alone signified himself, but he didn’t dwell on it too much, and he just stared into nothingness then. Jaemin could smell the wretched metallic substance on the floor and had felt the faint curiosity to run his hands through it to feel the thickness. He almost felt the need to throw up at that time.

He didn’t doubt that his best friend had waited for him for a while at lunch the other day, up until he had been texted the reason of Jaemin's absence. His friend probably easily got a seat at another table from his friends in class. His best friend, Donghyuck, was popular among the class for his bright demeanor and funny jokes. He easily made friends, and he had been best friends with Jaemin since around third grade and somehow it had stuck.

Jaemin used to be, still was, a quieter boy, formerly naive and more innocent though. He never said much, but he could always edge in and say something amusing, now he would just say nothing to anyone except maybe Hyuck and his other close Chinese friend, Renjun, who had been recruited in fifth grade when someone made fun of Jaemin’s shirt and Renjun stood up for him with harsh and righteous words. Hyuck had immediately from then on pulled Renjun around with them and they were a unified trio. Renjun was his best friend too, but he had left last year to attend a special art school. Jaemin missed the Chinese boy. His intellect and his sarcasm in all. His art was beautiful, and his talent was even noticeable since his arrival to Hyuck and Jaemin’s elementary school in fourth grade where he was commended by the art teacher while Jaemin could only draw a sad stick figure.

But now he, having entered his science classroom, noticed a familiar black haired student which he had never noticed or at least been awake enough before to notice, and he felt sicker than he had when in the bathroom at lunch yesterday. He felt disgusted, in some ways he wanted to throw up then too. He didn’t know if he felt embarrassed. He didn’t even know why he felt such contempt. Jaemin wondered if it was just him affiliating his feelings from the previous situation onto Lee Jeno since he had been there. His mind then realized that this was Lee Jeno. That Lee Jeno was the one who had seen him at his lowest.

People assumed things about Lee Jeno, and Jaemin couldn’t say he didn’t believe them, but he also didn’t care what Lee Jeno could do. He didn’t care what rumors would spread because it was already done and he wouldn’t have to deal with this too much longer. It wasn’t Jeno’s fault for Jaemin’s feelings. Lee Jeno was just another student. One in which Na Jaemin was invisible to. He would just act as he planned, act as he felt.

The class had began to look at him gradually as the time passed as he just stood near the doorway in thought. “Jaemin, you alright there?” The teacher asked and Jaemin blinked before his expression formed into a grimace. He thought about it, he didn’t know why he thought about it. He thought about punching the teacher in the face, but that would be uncalled for. It was disrespectful. He was supposed to burn himself and not everyone around him, not that anyone really cared.

“Okay.” He spoke with a kind of fierce tone. That in itself was a bit of a shock for his teacher coming from the boy, but he just assumed it was a rough morning though it was only the start of the day itself.

Jaemin sat at his seat in the back and breathed heavily with his eyes gigantic and unfocused as his mind blared at himself. He suddenly felt too alert and his fingertips felt stiff. Every move and sound annoyed him to the highest extent. He felt himself almost break, but he knew he had to wait. He had to contain himself. At least for today and then it would be over. He couldn’t look insane. Though no one would notice, he still wanted his image to be okay.

He closed his eyes for a moment before lulling into a dark sleep.

Contrary to Na Jaemin’s worries, Lee Jeno didn’t even notice him at the front of the room. He hadn’t cared to look up from the worksheet they grabbed at the door, explaining of a lab they were to do on Monday.

Lee Jeno then after science class left with Zhong Chenle and Mark Lee, his group, while Jaemin was dreadfully woken up and pushed himself out of class to be reunited with the one and only sun. Jaemin had been stuck alone on Pluto and deemed not a planet anymore, yet the sun still shined upon him. That shiny connection was the only thread he had left before he was going to be entirely pulled away. His Neptune kept him in place, right next to him, and rather big. A calm, untouched blue, that made sure he was protected. The planet was dynamic and produced with a careful combination of the elements. His friends held him together so he would stay himself, and so he would stay from floating away.  

“Jaemin!” Donghyuck grabbed his hand softly with a bright smile once he saw him. He must have waited for him to go to lunch with. “How was the test yesterday? Sorry, I couldn’t find you earlier before classes.”

Jaemin gave a sad smile and nodded. “It’s okay, the test was okay.” He felt better though his heart still felt sunken. For some reason he felt the need to say sorry to the sun himself for hiding from it's shine.

“You okay, Jaem?”

Jaemin just blinked at Hyuck and nodded. “Yeah, I’m alright, I’m just a little distracted.”

Donghyuck pursed his lips in thought, taking in the information. “What’s distracting you?”

Jaemin gulped for himself and let out a small laugh, raising his gaze from the floor to Hyuck. He wasn’t sure exactly what was distracting him, but he just decided to say something general and squeeze Donghyuck’s hand with a shrug. “I’m just thinking about how Renjun and Jisung are doing. I haven’t seen Jisung playing in a little while and I haven’t talked to Renjun in a few days.” Jisung was Jaemin’s sweet neighbor, the boy was a grade below the rest of them, a sophomore, and the boys all used to play basketball at his house whenever they could. Without Renjun, which even though his gift for art transcended other art forms, his skill did not translate into the art of motion in basketball, there were no more teams to go two versus two. And leaving one person out for one versus one was not as enjoyable.

Renjun hadn’t texted him in a few days, it wasn’t much of a concern considering he must have spent his hours drawing and painting and it was typical Renjun behavior, but Jaemin still missed him no matter what. It was a kind of longing only Renjun could produce from anyone.

They sat down at their seats, ate their food with normal conversation. Donghyuck sat across from Jaemin, and they bantered alone. As the time passed, after they threw out their food, Donghyuck moved to Jaemin’s side of the table and sat beside him. They both were quiet, each of their tired eyes closing for rest as Donghyuck leaned his head on Jaemin’s left shoulder. Jaemin relished in the amount of love Donghyuck gave ever since young, it seemed infinite. He wondered if Jaemin himself would ever find it in him to be so satisfied and to have any love for himself. It was inspiring, it lightened his heart, but beneath he still felt like he was cracking and he felt like sobbing.

He remembered he at least had to keep it together that day. That day he would fix his image before slowly destroying it. That day he would be happy until he wouldn’t be able to bear it. That day, for once, like his parents wanted, he would act as perfect as he could, as perfect as he could control.

Lee Jeno was sat in his usual spot with his friends, normal as ever. “Chenle, you always get that kind of chocolate from the school cafeteria, is it your favorite? Have you ever tried any others?” Mark questioned, his voice higher than usual.

“Um,” Chenle began, his mind processing just a second slow at the fast paced questions which he was more used to giving than receiving. “I suppose it’s the only kind I’ve tried here before. It’s quite sweet, so I enjoy it. I don’t think the vanilla or nut ones would taste very good.” 

“Oh, alright.” Mark suddenly retracted himself in thought before sighing at another thought. Their conversation continued smoothly as Jeno asked Chenle to pull out his math homework.

 *  

He hurried out of his class, he had to be there on time and he also couldn’t risk being seen by Hyuck though he assumed Donghyuck would be too caught up in the other boys trying to talk to him to notice a flying figure of red race past him. “Excuse me, where would Mr. Lee’s room be located?” The polite words and neat tone slipped from his tongue easily, but it still didn’t feel like him even after years of acting like it. He wasn’t impolite necessarily, he just wasn’t the most perfect on the daily.

“Room 146!” One of the female teachers called in a delighted tone though it seemed quite obvious what that room was used for after school, or who used that room after school, that, or maybe she just assumed he had Mr.Lee's class, but then, why would he ask where the room was anyway. There were no papers in his hands to indicate a delivery of some sort, nevertheless he nodded.

Jaemin pushed the thought away and just bowed. “Thank you!” He said in a excited voice. As he turned his expression fell and he walked away. That didn’t exactly help him. It was of some help since he didn’t really pay any attention to the vice principal in the office as the moment had turned into a haze. He wished he had actual directions, but he couldn’t say her assumptions were the worst.

He didn’t ask anyone else for directions again no matter how desperate he was. He followed the numbers, constantly feeling like he went around in circles, until he finally found it all the way down a long hall, an isolated classroom, it was on the left side of the corridor on the second floor. He entered slowly, observing his surroundings before he sat in the back seat of the small classroom setup, the room was deserted at the time. He wondered when the prodigious Mr. Lee would come.

The sun ran up the left side of the room due to the windows there, and Jaemin felt sleepy as he clanged his stuff to the side of a desk before sitting. He stretched in his perfectly fitted uniform and hissed silently at the feeling as the fabric gently rubbed over his wrists like a thin film of paper.

“Mr. Lee!” He heard a man call from outside the classroom in the hall to someone in recognition. Jaemin immediately straightened up a bit, his eyes blinking wide.

“Oh, yes, Mr. Lee.” A softer and quieter voice responded, the voice closer to the classroom door. Heavy footsteps were heard, shoes clapping back at the floor in a slight rush. Jaemin’s eyes darted near the door, awaiting the entrance of the teacher with an open mouthed expression. He was a little confused of who else would come near this isolated room, but it was probably just another teacher.

Instead, upon the opening of the door, Jaemin was graced with the image of another boy in a burgundy uniform, matching the school’s grand emblem. He sat in simple shock as his mind turned and manipulated all his thoughts into mush. He didn't know how to control his expression and his arms quaked around him.

“Oh, hello.” The boy mustered with a shining smile that made Jaemin's skin want to cave on itself, feeling exposed. Jaemin rubbed his fingers against his nails, after he closed his eyes, taking in the situation as calmly as he could. He widened his elbows onto the desk before him in a kind of defense, resting his hands lightly grazing his cheeks.

A neatly dressed man then entered the room and blinked at Jaemin, stopping and taking a step back for a moment in surprise. “Hm.”

Jaemin didn’t respond and slumped lower in his seat. Suddenly his defensive instincts dropped into a need to just hide. The man whispered something to the student in front of Jaemin before exiting and the boy, Jeno, threw the teacher a curt nod. Jaemin took in a rash inhale, the sound travelling across the room.

Jeno placed his bag on the ground and laid his long fingers on the side of the desk, faced towards the front of the classroom.

Before Jaemin could even exhale, the turn of the other boy towards him shocked the breath out of him and he immediately straightened like a board. _“Who are you?_ ” Lee Jeno asked him with a firm voice. It was clear and bold as ever.

Jaemin shivered, curling his toes with raising shoulders and a darkening gaze. He spoke from the deepest part of his gut. _“_ Doesn’t matter. Sit down.” He didn't know where his vocal strength came from, but he was in relief.

And then for once Jeno sat under a command. Unable to refute those words for he truly didn’t know if the other boy mattered. The boy turned away just for a moment and Jaemin stared at the back of his head, letting out another breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me any constructive criticism of any sort below and ask questions! I apologize for the sort of cliff hanger but it’s how it worked out. This chapter was originally supposed to be longer (it’s a while short of the last chapter word-count wise), but the most of it was written within a week of the last chapter’s publishment and just recently more was added. Dearly thank you for reading and I hope your day/night is enjoyable!


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such the long wait for minimal words, but thanks for reading and enjoy!

Jaemin controlled himself vocally by shooting dark gazes at the other boy. His emotions piled up inside of him over and over again before fading and he simply sat sighing every other minute.

Jeno just sat and worked on his homework. Jaemin couldn’t stand it. Him and this boy, Lee Jeno, didn’t know each other in the past, but Jaemin knew of him through reputation and observation. Jeno knew nothing of Jaemin, not of his face nor his name. The only connection he had known to Jaemin was the event in the principal's office. Jeno didn’t find much amusement in the situation. He was used to being alone in detention and he wasn’t too fond of making new friends.

He already owned low expectations for this character as he had acted so rashly the other day. Jeno finished all his small amount of work in an instant and checked the clock on the right wall of the classroom. Jaemin, meanwhile, was still unsettled. Of course he didn’t know who he was but did he know what he was? The younger pushed his own bag over with his foot in laziness, letting his eyelids fall with the wateriness they had composed.

He wasn't sure when he became so sensitive, maybe it was from being told he was both most untouchable and the most vulnerable.

The silence spread around them with the small noises and the sun stood tall in the sky and Jaemin wanted to run to it. He wanted to tear the sun apart and envelop each piece into his skin. This would be every week? Silent torture. The sun beat down on them and Jaemin knew his skin was warm. Jeno suddenly stood and Jaemin blinked, rubbing his eyes quickly as he looked towards the figure. He was a child, but he hated being childlike. He retracted his hands from his face and placed them on the desk. They were barely halfway through the hour. Jaemin pursed his lips and wondered whether to question Jeno's standing or to just hide in himself further.

Jeno turned toward Jaemin sharply and Jaemin stared back wearily. Jaemin hated how faint he felt himself be. The boy, Jeno, turned away, toward the door, and walked to it. Jaemin's voice was caught in his throat. With his shadow lining and passing by the wall, he exited the room with no words.

Jaemin relaxed himself, still feeling rigid. He wondered, but just left himself in acceptance. He gritted his teeth against each other and looked down to see Jeno’s backpack and work still laid out on his desk. The teen immediately moved away from the area of their desks and towards the windows running along the left side. His heart thumped in a type of exhilaration and fear, but another fleeting part of him just wanted to sleep and fade away.

He observed the workings of the window and thought about opening it. He turned the handle, opening it up a bit, letting the wind float through him. He wished it could float him away. Jaemin looked around the room in hesitance before shutting it with a hard clap. He flinched away at the sound before travelling towards the board and tiny things upon the teacher’s desk. It was nothing special, but he was still interested and it preoccupied his mind from all the other horrible objects of his fear and sadness.

The desk was littered with papers and on the side stood photographs of him and what Jaemin assumed was his siblings and his wife. He picked up one of the papers before jolting at the shut of a door.

“I knew you were trouble, but I didn’t expect you to be the snoopy type.” Jaemin stilled and dropped the paper down before he turned with a gulp, his own nervousness having returned. The paper drifted down and luckily fell back onto the desk. Jeno was back in the nick of time. Jaemin took a quick glance at the clock. It had only been around five minutes. It's not like he was keeping track.

Jaemin inhaled and rolled his wrist, cracking his fingers with his head lowering. His gaze transformed from fear into a kind of wild fire until he returned to his seat and sat stiffly. Suddenly the world was pitted against him again, and he loathed the world for it.

He felt helpless and he didn’t feel any pride for his curiosity. Alice had died falling into the rabbit hole.

The time passed dreadfully slow, but Jaemin was so out of it he didn’t even blink and it was over. Jeno was still sat, his silence bothered the other to an indescribable extent, but he supposed he had no control over others, at least not directly or with his mind.

The door smoothly opened and Jaemin spiked up at the sound and movement. He was in this silent game of chess only he seemed willing to play, and it was simply tiring him out he just wanted to lose and be done with it; However, he was greeted with only another opposing pawn. One that was tempting and he could be able to overthrow, one that gave him hope of winning the game even if the slightest, but it was also at the same time, a danger. A neat and handsome boy brought himself out from the shadows only slightly before calling out. “Jeno,”

The eyes glinted softly with the light and the boy’s warmth filled the cold room only slightly. Jeno immediately stood towards his friend, already grabbing his bag. Jaemin registered the boy before glancing between the both of them. In Jeno’s pursuit to the door, Mark still stood and blinked as he noticed the other blur of color sitting in the room. Jaemin sat stiff. “Oh,” There was a pause almost held too long. Mark’s eyes landed on Jaemin and he gave a small smile with eyes glossy of recognition.  “Hi, Jaemin.” Jaemin turned his head strictly to Mark and blurred out the other side of his vision in an attempt to only focus on the older.

The youngest bit his tongue the slightest and momentarily hesitated before putting on the brightest smile he could manage, his cheeks in pain, and leaned back against his chair, sitting straight. “Hello, Mark.” He spoke slowly and his eyes observed the other closely. 

Jeno turned and furrowed his brows at Mark’s stationary position. He didn’t question it though as Mark simply gave the only other boy in detention a wave before turning away and walking out, Jeno following behind him rather swiftly. They walked off with the open door behind them and the boy sat with heavy breathing after a deep breath.

Jeno only glanced at Mark for a moment to decode him, but his attempts were faulty as Mark just walked blankly. Through the halls the two had run into a senior from one of Mark’s classes who inquired if they could study together sometime for a Math concept or test of sorts, to which Mark gladly agreed and they exchanged numbers in order to communicate about the advanced class and times they could meet. The senior did seem a bit smart, but also clumsy from his shaking long limbs. The youngest shifted his fingers around his bag straps and observed Mark as they walked out of the school.

“Who was that before?” Jeno asked when they finally made it off school property. Mark looked towards Jeno quickly with furrowed brows.

“Who, Jungwoo?” Mark asked. At Jeno’s blank expression he began. “He’s just a senior in my math.”

Jeno shook his head. “No, the other one.” Ominously, his gaze dropped the slightest bit and he felt as if he couldn’t turn his head even an inch towards the school behind them. He recalled the name Mark had said in the detention room prior just the slightest bit but didn’t dare to say it so blatantly.

“Oh.” Silence passed for a moment with the breeze. “That was Jaemin.” He responded, looking towards the sky.

Jeno didn’t bother to tell his best friend he had already figured out the name, but just leaned in the slightest bit to push something out of him. Mark was quiet for longer. “I didn’t expect to see him there.”

At this slow process of information and his own impatience Jeno rolled his neck and decided to let this pass for another time. “So, did you decide what you’re going to get Lele yet?”

Once again Mark blinked up in a kind of surprise and almost instinctively went to shush Jeno as if the topic was some kind of unspeakable mission. In some ways it was. Chenle can either be the sliest or the most oblivious one in the room and no one knew which one. Mark's reaction was an uncanny way to react when the land around them was all deserted except for them.

“And, no, no, I have not. This happens every year but I’m still not sure what to give him.” Mark let out a sigh.

“You’ll figure it out, Markie.” Jeno grinned when greeted with a small pout.  

Mark’s house was a little farther from the school on a rather large plot of land while Jeno’s house was just a little shorter walk through all the darker parts of town. Chenle’s house was the closest, so usually they would go to his first, but he was not present so it was only the two walking relaxed with no breaks for snacks in between.

The sun was still high, but steadily started falling by the time they reached Jeno’s place. Jeno walked up to the front door with solid steps over the cracked pavement and a small wave and smile. “Bye Mark Lee, see ya tomorrow.” He teased just a bit. It was tradition, one could say.

He waved back cheekily. “Goodbye, Jeno.”

The smell of warmth and food filled Jeno at his entrance, immediately forcing all his other thoughts away. He quickly dropped his things by the door, rushed to the kitchen to see his brother staring at a box of noodles way too close to his face than it needed to be read. There were ingredients strewn throughout the kitchen.

Jaehyun was too distracted and focused on the box to hear his brother’s heavy steps and entrance. Murmurs of measurements and instructions kept faintly flowing to Jeno’s ears, but he didn’t mind watching his 'person to look up to'’s ears go red and him almost tear his hair out over the simplest thing such as the amount of water to put in a pot.

It really didn’t have to be and wasn’t so complicated, but he was sure Jaehyun had some kind of reasons for his worrying whether it be from his determination to cook such a simple meal and it not taste good, or he just had some other things on his mind that he couldn’t waste so much time on cooking. Jeno could entirely handle himself, but Jaehyun still believed his 16 year old brother was incapable to prepare a rightful meal by himself. Like normally he was any better.

Jeno slipped away to his room and quickly changed out of his school uniform and into a simple short-sleeved white shirt and grey sweatpants. He returned to Jaehyun rapidly typing on his phone with water starting to boil on the stove and him on another side of the room than he previously was, digging out through some deep cabinet. “Jaehyun,” The said man lifted his head up and was greeted with the top of the low cabinet, hitting his head with a groan.

Jeno had the decency to only sigh and retain a smile. Jaehyun regained himself, standing after picking up his fallen phone. “Yes, Jeno.” He looked at his younger brother and the one called upon just smiled in response.

“Need help?” He said as he already settled beside the pot and looked inside at the now fully boiling water.

“Yeah, yeah.” Jaehyun murmured a bit checking his phone for a response and staring at it intently before grabbing some spaghetti noodles and cracking them in half, throwing them into the pot that was now only subtly boiling.

“Were you planning on making actual meatballs yourself?” There was beat of silence and Jaehyun turned his lips into his mouth.

“I haven’t learned that yet.” Jaehyun glanced over with an apologetic gaze. Another beat and Jaehyun went back to looking at the noodles with a frown. “So, we’re only having spaghetti. I also didn’t get sauce.”

Jeno saved his brother from his guilt and just moved closer toward the pot. “It’s fine.” He uttered with a small warming and reassuring smile.

The pasta ended up the slightest bit overdone, but it was satisfactory enough for Jeno and he assured Jaehyun of it’s tastiness. The simple plates were cleared and all the food was gone rather quickly. Jeno took the plates and utensils while Jaehyun took the pot and they were washed within a few minutes. “I’m sorry again, Jeno.”

“No, Jaehyun, it’s really fine. It was great.”

Jaehyun finally gave a smile after a slow nod and Jeno put everything away. It was only right.

*

Jaemin didn’t know why but he waited until the clock ticked another thirty minutes or so before moving up. It made him feel more secure, but he was still between two evils. He was still scared. He didn’t know why but he was practically running home. The drowning sun beat down on his neck and heat encompassed him. The pieces of the sun had found him. They were almost devouring him. His feet hurt from the pounding in the uncomfortable shoes. He arrived and tried to enter as quietly as possible, not needing his key at this time of day. The echoes of his own footsteps in the house would haunt him.

Once in his room he quickly changed into neat white colors and pulled open his curtain to watch the sun finally drown and the backyard garden still flourish with too much red, too many red roses. Only a few purple and light pink roses popped through the overlay of rosy color. It almost seemed overgrown, but it was only overcome with the beauty of the abundant red roses.

The night had only started to overtake the yard and moon stood, waiting to shine. Jaemin heard a knock at his door and immediately shut his curtains, facing with a fright, letting the full darkness overshadow him again. Sunlight only littered by his feet, jumping with the bounce of the curtains.

He felt the heaviness before he directly encountered it. Jaemin parted his bangs in a flash, not letting his eyes be covered. Here he goes again.

***

“Jeno! Mark! How was detention and smart kids club?” The boy ran to them, immediately wrapping his arms around his friend’s shoulders.

“Well, for me-”

“Mark, you already know whatever you say I won’t understand, so please, save me the little brain power I have.” Chenle teased a little with a pout.

Mark shook his head with a small laugh. “Sadly he can’t buy you a more expansive brain.” Jeno retorted, glancing at Mark who glared lightly at Jeno. Mark’s hands were placed in his pockets, fingers twirling in thought.

“Anyway, it was detention Chenle, quiet, boring.” Mark gave Jeno a glance, but Jeno didn’t catch it, just shrugging.

“I don’t know how you stand that.” Chenle took a deep breath. “They just—“

“Yeah, Chen, we sometimes have to just live with it.” Chenle sighed.

*

Jaemin stood. He felt like he was about to faint. Too much blood was rushing in him, it’s pounding and it’s loud. “Jaemin? You see a ghost?” The teacher teased, but his laughter halts as Jaemin doesn’t respond and the boy’s expression darkens.

“Jaemin?” Jaemin doesn’t move. “Please sit down. Class has begun.”

It’s the sound of chaos that follows the deadly silence.

It’s an outrage. The kind only in the mind.

He started stuttering and blurting, his left hand hitting the nearby desk hard. His words fall the lightest though, shaky. “I will not—“

“Na Jaemin, is there a problem?”

“I,” He began, he thought for a moment, pulling away from the desk and concerned student looking up at him and back towards the teacher. The student looked half scared and half annoyed. Jaemin breathed, his pride pushed down his throat and cut open.

In the end, he still is Na Jaemin. “My apologies, Mr. Park, there is no problem. This will not happen again.” He bowed and sat.

Mr. Park nodded though artificial. He turned to the class. It’s only a blur after one moment of clarity for Jaemin. “Class, today you are doing your labs to learn about the various and simple chemicals and components in the natural world and some of your foods. There will also be one rather dangerous substance, but due to time limitations we will continue on that tomorrow. Your papers are here and if you forgot your partners they are up front as well.”

Jaemin slowly stood after all the other students. He’d figure this out, these chemicals. It wouldn’t be too difficult. It was simple. His teacher had said it was.

He went up to the desk and grabbed a paper from the pile and went to the list. He desperately searched for his name for his partner. There were too many Lees in his class it was a bother looking for his name. Finally, he saw a J and moved on as in one glance he saw it written as _Lee Jeno_.

His annoyance increased as he couldn't find his name, but he let it go. He got too caught up in small things. “Na Jaemin,” He heard his named called right when he checked the list for the third time and saw his name.

He couldn’t believe he missed his name so easily, but he was fuming anyhow. He felt his heart wilt in despise.

Jaemin turned to who said his name and was greeted by the smallest and most interesting and hated smirk. “Na Jaemin, you hear me?”

Said boy wanted to vomit.

“You’re with me.”

Jaemin decided fate had been his most powerful enemy in this world. Lee Jeno, stepped forward from the other blurs, and led him to a lab table in the back. He hopped on the swirly chair, in fact the only chair at the particular lab table, and looked down at the instructions for only a moment before up again.

He then looked back up at Jaemin with a blank expression, the normal growl in his voice returning. “You coming, partner?”

Jaemin shivered as he was distanced feet from the table, multiple feet from his partner. This isn’t right, but it’s right. It's not an enjoyable fact, but it's what has been assigned. It’s sickening. “Right away, Jeno. I will begin working now.” It’s robotic. It’s his job. He read the materials on the list as he stood in front of the table, opposite to Jeno, his back to the front of the class. “I’ll grab the materials.” He turned his back again.

Jeno sighed. “They’re already here, delinquent.”

Jaemin breathed too quickly and his retort almost slipped, but he zipped his lips, only turning back towards Jeno. “Let’s begin.”

“I already did.” Jeno retorted.

Jaemin blinked and looked at the procedures. “Great. Well, um, please hand me the test tube.” He wasn't looking up.

“You want to burn your hand, delinquent? You forgot your goggles too.” The test tube already held the solution and sat in the beaker and on the hot plate, the temperature most definitely increasing to an uncomfortable heat. He made a mistake, he was too ignorant, but he wasn’t a delinquent. Jeno was right, he wasn’t wearing goggles, but neither was he. “Want an excuse not to write notes? Ha. Or maybe you want to burn someone else in the room, right, maybe me?” Jaemin blinked again, his mouth opening. He wasn't a delinquent. No matter how much Lee Jeno was a nuisance to him. “Oh, so _it is_ me. Well, Na Jaemin, please go ahead.”

He shook his head harshly, ablaze. “Why— I’ll get goggles, alright.” Jaemin walked over to the stash of sterilized goggles with a repressed and tense posture. He grabbed them both a pair, only for politeness. He put on his. Jaemin couldn’t get in trouble any longer. Jeno didn’t even touch the other pair Jaemin had left on the table for him. It was further insulting. “Let’s proceed… We just have to wait four minutes for the reaction.”

“I started it about two minutes ago.” Jeno replied.

His hair was glossy and it’s color was sharp like charcoal even through the smudged plastic. “Then we’ll wait two more I suppose.”

Jeno nodded, for once going quiet, he started to answer the numerous questions on his paper with lightning speed and messy handwriting. Through his speed the answered weren’t so rushed though, and they weren’t short. They were long, but somehow he didn’t seem to run out of room, even with large letters.

Jeno looked up at the solution for a single moment and in response Jaemin looked at it as well. “Did you check the time, Jaemin?”

“Oh— No, I didn’t but-“

Jeno sighed. “Just record quickly, we’re already behind.” Jaemin glanced around, and they seemed ahead.

Jaemin looked down at his paper for only a moment and Jeno was already putting a different solution into a different test tube. He didn’t understand the new color the solution has shown and just wrote the color, too overwhelmed to continue on the response. Jaemin rushed of course, picking up the paper and reading it off. “The-The,” even with his vocabulary, Jaemin couldn’t list this one chemical or any of them for that matter.

Jeno stated the word with ease, and Jaemin didn’t even try to say it himself after that. "Right."

They continued in their silence and the sound of Jeno’s pen writing diligently and Jaemin just watched. “So this last reaction is more just for show, you’ll see.” Jaemin wanted to know why he was even in this class if he knew everything. He was both a bother and a jerk.

Jaemin's head was dizzy and he stood up straight and pinched himself to wake up his senses. Even though he was lacking, he still had to pay attention and try. His nostrils were already burning from the thick smell of Jeno’s creamy hair wash he could smell all the way from across the table, that or he just wafted too much of the chemicals. It was too early in the morning for this.

He wished he could scream to Donghyuck about this, but Donghyuck seemed to be rather cheerful recently and Jaemin didn't dare to damper his mood. Much less not bring up fiends such as Lee Jeno.

Jeno kept pouring and putting in pre-made solutions. He mixed the two solutions into the heated beaker without another word, soon he put in another solution and Jaemin watched intensely. Slowly the solution changed to another color, and Jaemin expected this to be the whole of it, but it changed once again.

Jaemin went to write the color, the clear solution, but his hand stilled at the scene. He waited a few moments, writing the change of colors, until it all was thrown out the window. His eyes went slightly wide, trying to process this, but he couldn’t understand this at all. Jaemin wrote all the colors with an arrow between them until the colors repeated and continued in a rotation. He described it as clear, yellow, and blue. Meanwhile Jeno was writing the full, long equation, all with messy handwriting and all. At the stilled pencil in Jaemin’s hand and Jeno’s fully filled out paper, Jeno pointed towards the contents of the beaker. “It’s the oscillating clock.” Like Jaemin knew what that meant. Like he had the mind to care. And like Jaemin needed to hear more from this horrible boy.

“The Briggs-Rauscher reaction? Never heard of it?” It hurt that Jeno genuinely seemed surprised at Jaemin’s ignorance.

“No,” Was all Jaemin could say. He felt insulted, but he knew he was not the best anyway, or at all decent for that matter. Jeno turned in his paper before returning back to the lab station and cleaning up before sitting back in the swinging chair. Even if he was a rat, at least he was a bit clean. The other’s untouched goggles still sat on the desk though.

“Well, I’m not giving you the answers, but just use your head, delinquent.”

 _Delinquent_. His anger returned after a single moment. Before he held it in, but now some part of him had to release it. He knew he had to retain himself, but his voice was still sharp. “Why are you even speaking to me? Huh?” He closed his eyes, to close himself off, to calm himself. He was heating up.

Jeno gave him a blank stare and Jaemin couldn’t stand the way the lights hit back on his own eye goggles, the way Jeno’s eyes bored straight at his when Jaemin opened his eyes again. It was like waking up in burning water- Chemical water, acid water.

Jeno didn’t say anything and Jaemin breathed deeply. “This is— God, you’re not even worth the time.” He murmured and turned away from the student.

“Hey, take off your goggles.”

“Why, you’re—“

The bell rang as Jeno stood and gave the slightest smirk, and then he left. Jaemin had half the mind to throw the glasses at his retreating head, but instead he tore them off his face, pulling down and rubbing it against his nose and ears roughly, making him flinch. He put them down next to the other pair of glasses. He wasn’t in the mood to put them away, but he sighed very loudly as the room had entirely cleared out and he put them both away before leaving. He had to have lab etiquette.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready for some sad times.

Thankfully Jaemin knew how to contain his emotions. He listened to Donghyuck’s rambles and enjoyed them. He listened in the classes he didn’t care about and then moved onto the next ones. When he was home he resonated back into the darkness and watched the sun drop painfully. Ignore it and it’ll go away. The problems faced are one’s own and one’s own alone, but those problems may linger. They may spread. They may poison and taint.

Dinner was normal. There was nothing that caught him off guard. It was typical for the household. Shining chandeliers, pristine tableware, and a juicy feast. Sickeningly thick, plump, and raw. Jaemin kept his feet on the ground and didn’t slip. There was never much for him to comment. He was unimportant and especially with recent circumstances he had no room to.

The next day of school was even more dreadful. His brain was already fried from a long night of tempting anger and thoughtlessness. More work. Pilled and thrown about.

Jaemin could hold it all till it struck him again. The room was bright in fake lighting. Everyone was already setting up busily. To his suffering, life was more consistent than he wished. The far corner of the room grinned with another Lee Jeno. Of course. Jaemin took four rigid steps to make his way to the lab table before Jeno stood from the twirling seat he had claimed once more. “Safety goggles.”

Jaemin groaned loudly and stood still. The fire burning, he turned back from Jeno and took a slow breath and walked. He obtained the goggles and placed them both down on the table. It was a repeated action, but Jaemin still had fight in him.

Jeno stilled his hand from their already swift ascension to the concoctions and chemicals. He waited, and so did Jaemin. “Gonna put your goggles on?”

Jaemin breathed in slowly.

With it came a very slow, slow grin. “You gonna put iodine or something else in your eye and blame me?”

“You don’t have your goggles on either.” Jaemin snapped out. It was a child’s game. They were children. Jaemin was unfamiliar with the playing field which he usually avoided. He usually only slid under, slithered, struck, and then escaped without a sound. This was different.

“I think I’m much more familiar with these kinds of chemicals than you.” Jeno stated, diverting his attention back to mixing the conventions.

Jaemin thought of a low blow in response, but he knew it was too far out of line. His heart lurked to say it, to attack. It settled on a lighter strike. “How are we in the same class if you’re so much higher than me? And experience doesn’t make you any less prone to accidents.” He was a little too serious, too factual. He seemed bland. He needed to make a charming and strong case. Convince. He was failing.

Jeno let out a light sigh and then kinked his lips into a small smirk of sorts. “I think you’re wrong, N-” It twitched a bit and he fell silent again with a blank expression. Jaemin wasn’t too much of a child to tease him for it, but he noticed it certainly, though not entirely understanding the revelation.

Jaemin slowly fired again, merely ignoring. Childish. “I do not think I am.”

“Think.” Jeno repeated his words, chuckling lightly. The boys lips lied open before shutting and being licked.

“I don’t—” Jaemin began, but he caved. There was nothing. He had lost focus. What was this about? All he could think about was the goggles. Jaemin then thought what if something _did_ get into his own eye. That would not go well. He put on the goggles. Then that was it. The other pair still neglected for the class.

Silence. It was just as intense as before but it was chillier, yet Jaemin cared less. Jaemin tried to follow the solutions, but too far ahead there was nothing to do but to watch and try to assume. He didn’t question anything Jeno did. He leaned onto the counter. His part was out of that chapter. He would probably never join in, he presumed.

At some point, Jaemin was sure he’d fallen asleep.

He woke only to a poking. “Jaemin, Jaemin, come on.”

He groaned in response, rolling his angled arm and removing his fingers out of the side of his air. “I know, I know, I’m coming.” He murmured slowly before sitting up with a shock. Donghyuck blinked back at him and then gave a soft smile.

“Come on, Jaemin.” Said boy stood and sighed, taking off his goggles and sighing at the other untouched pair still left on the table. He grabbed them and put them away before following Hyuck out with his backpack.

They entered the hall and then he went on. “I was wondering what took so long. I waited for a while because I wondered if the lab took too long, but then everyone had left so I came in and saw you sleeping like an old man or something.” Jaemin sighed. “How many hours of sleep did you get last night?”

“I don’t know honestly, it’s a blur.”

“I get it. How’s everything going?”

“Normal.” He said blandly.

Hyuck smiled faintly. “Good.”

*

Jeno and Jaemin aren’t forced to interact until detention again. Like that, the air is different again. It was all Jaemin could focus on throughout the day. He would have to be isolated with _that one_. On the other hand, Jeno didn’t seem to give it a dashing thought. He was always chatting someway. Either with his mouth, his facial expressions, or what he wrote on his papers. It was incessantly annoying to Jaemin.

Jaemin hurried to detention. He refused to arrive after Jeno. Jaemin was no delinquent. He was simply foolish. He could accept that fact, but Jaemin wasn’t bad. He might have not been the smartest, the kindest… He wasn’t a bad person. That’s what mattered. Mr. Lee was already out of the room. Jaemin couldn’t say he wasn’t relieved. He sat and closed his eyes in a sigh. “What was with the rush?” Snarky.

Jaemin breathed. He could already feel his anger build.

Another moment. “What reason do you have to ignore me, Jaemin?” There was a clanging to the ground and Jaemin only listened as the sounds moved closer. “Am I not good enough for you to talk to? Or are you just a mouse?”

“I am no mouse.” Jaemin snapped his eyes open. Jeno laughed with a smirk. Still inexperienced.

“Jaemin, I don’t think that you understand that here, we’re on the same level.” Jeno gestured around the room.

Jaemin shook his head. He looked like a pouting child. A stubborn child.

“I did not know you until I saw you act out.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jaemin bared his teeth immediately.

“Are you sure? I was there, wasn’t I? I was told off.”

“You know nothing.” He stated raspily.

“I wouldn’t go as far to say I know nothing Jaemin. I must know some things.”

“You pretend you know, but you don’t.”

Jeno sighed, sitting forward. “I know more than you. I know more about you than you know about me.”

“I don’t think that’s true. I know that’s not true.”

“Think.” Jeno smirked devilishly. Mocked. Crack.

“Lee Jeno, don’t try me.” Na Jaemin stood. The chair beneath him scratching the floor. The sun burned on his skin, and the adrenaline made him have both no fear and no reality,

Jeno slowly blinked only twice, for two different reasons, still calmly sitting. “I don’t think you understand, Jaemin. I don’t think you know,” His voice was less teasing, more honest, as if Jaemin really didn’t understand. As if he was a genuine fool.

“Are you really not gonna come up here and fight me?”

Jeno laughed. He laughed. “You really don’t understand. This is— I’m baffled.”

“Huh?” Jaemin shouted out loudly, his voice however was still soft. As if he had never genuinely yelled before then. “Are you really that weak?” A child. Two children.

“No, I am not weak.”

“Then what are you doing right now? Come on!” Jaemin ushered Jeno up with his hands, but the boy made no move.

“Watching.” Jaemin scowled at him.

“Get up.”

“No.” Jeno refuted.

“Get. Up.”

“Why would I listen to you?”

“Why should I listen to you! If we’re on the same level, why then, huh?”

“I never ordered you to do anything.”

Jaemin laughed crazily. “But you did! That is where you are wrong. You are— You are entitled and selfish.”

“Oh, I’m entitled? Oh, I see. Don’t forget yourself.”

Jaemin’s breathing went faster. “And you are weak, Jaemin.” Jeno stood slowly, continuing. Jaemin was silent. “You are weaker than me at least.” Jeno grabbed Jaemin’s raised clenched fist and held it faintly.

“How is that?” Jaemin creaked from a whisper.

“You’re shaking.” The younger only shook harder and faster.

“I am not.”

“I know you are smart enough to know I’m right.” The light hit the darkness and there was grey. Jaemin breathed and Jeno steadied him slowly. “Sit.”

And then for once out of many times Jaemin sat under a command. Unable to refute those words for he truly didn’t know if he was weak or not.

The sun returned from the clouds and the air was tainted. Mr. Lee came in a few mere moments later. “Was there shouting?”

Jeno glanced to Jaemin while Jaemin didn’t move. It was judgement day it seemed. Jeno glanced back to the teacher. “Yes.”

The teacher hesitated. “Was it you two?”

“Yes.”

“I know you both won’t like it, but I have to add another week on for that.”

Jaemin wondered contradictions. But would they be worth anything?

Jeno nodded slowly. The teacher had already made up his excuse. “I don’t want them figuring out I’m not supervising you two, ya know? You do.”

Fragile, frightened. Jeno’s eyes’ light died out to a flicker of a flame. Jeno frowned. “We do.”

“Yes.” Mr. Lee gave a shaky grin and left the room once more.

Jeno sighed once he left. He then stood, they had longer to go still. This was only the second detention they had both attended together. How more hectic could it get? “I don’t care if you snoop around now, destroy this room for all I care.” Then he was out.

Jaemin watched and then looked down at the clock as Jeno left. It ticked. Jaemin took both his hands together and clamped them, rubbing the nail marks in his palms.

His heart was slow though his breathing was still recovering. He wanted the pain to linger. He wanted to know that being unharmed was a blessing. He wanted to know what he had almost done.

The equilibrium he hit has tipped for the other, opposite side, the untouched one. He opened a window in the classroom and let the air sweep. There was no change in his heart. He shut it and returned to his seat. Jeno returned then too with sharp eyes. “What was wrong with the windows open?” It was oddly slow, soft. Innocent. Jaemin had no idea how he was understanding something of nothing, but he felt it. Someway or another. The understanding was present. Even if only for the hour, or the minute, or the second.

“It was too windy.” Jaemin excused.

Jeno approached the window. “It’ll be alright, we’ll just close it before we leave.”

“Isn’t it supposed to rain?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Well, let’s just keep it closed. We’d forget it anyway.” Jeno held back and sighed, returning to his seat. Jaemin leaned his head down on the desk, watching the sun wash away,

And they were children again.

*

Mark entered Mr. Lee’s room softly, knocking lightly upon entering. “Jeno,” Said boy looked up and hummed. “Ready?” Jeno nodded softly, looking at the clock and standing. “Did Chenle text you complaining that he had to walk home alone again yet?”

Mark shook his head, “But he was all this afternoon.” Jeno smiled.

Mark glanced at the other boy in the room, asleep. “You gonna wake him up?”

“I’d rather not.” Mark slowly nodded.

“He’s friends with Donghyuck, right? I could text him and ask him to call Jaemin to wake him up.”

Jeno sighed. “That’s way too complicated. Don’t you think Mr. Lee will wake him?”

“If you say so.” Mark sighed too, and they went out, not bothering the sleeping boy who could only wander in blackened dreams.

Then they were gone and the boy was left as the sun poured down lower and lower from the sky.

*

Darkness. That’s all there ever was.

Jaemin woke to falling darkness. He checked his watched after blinking. His eyes immediately widened as he stood with a fright. In a moment he was running. He had no time to curse at his misfortune as he had lost his breath. The door to his home was unlocked anyhow and he hurried with soft steps to his room in an instant. His hair was another version of bedhead and his skin was burning from the running. He changed out of his school uniform in a moment. Fridays were more lavish than other days. He put on a white button down and suitable black jeans and parted his hair over his eyes.

Then he was called down. The dining room was large and even seemed to echo. He sat at his seat, across from his mother and beside his father who sat at the head of the table. “Jaemin,” His mother’s soft voice resonated. His skin bubbled.

“Yes, mother?”

“Our associates, the Lees, from Seoul are visiting tomorrow night along with a few other families. I hope you remember them.” It was a stable tone.

Jaemin’s mind flashed with familiarity. Yes. “I will do my best to impress them, mother.” Jaemin bowed his head in the slightest, giving her a firm look over his inner softness. “Thank you for informing me ahead of time.”

“We’ll be trying to strike the idea of a new and business deal with them so be sure to show our worth to their son. Don’t falter.” He knew. He didn’t want to but he knew.

“Yes, father.”

He could recall it, the many times before. The room was bright, but Jaemin’s vision was dark. There was nothing for him. The grapes, the wine, the elegant music, everything he was supposed to be and said to be. He imagined the tall and upright figure in the corner. He merely blinked and there the man across the room was in a shimmer of gold. Jaemin couldn’t find himself envious of the gorgeous appearance. He was only jealous of his confidence and stability. The man beside the gorgeous man was also still there with charming smiles. Jaemin shrunk. He always shrunk away, but he never thought he shook. He guessed he could find out tomorrow evening.

Jaemin returned to his room once the clock hit six, his plate cleaned of any food, and he retired to his bed, glancing at the stray science papers on his desk on the far side of the room. Insufferable and boring.

And then, nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jaemine


End file.
